Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
one whole week...
It's been a whole week today...felt like a year.
He dropped some things over at mums house for me today, he didn't text ahead so I didn't realize he was coming, and then he was on the doorstep.
I made it two days without crying though, and that's pretty good I think.
I just want to sleep..
He dropped some things over at mums house for me today, he didn't text ahead so I didn't realize he was coming, and then he was on the doorstep.
I made it two days without crying though, and that's pretty good I think.
I just want to sleep..
Sunday, March 20, 2011
so tired
I'm just so tired, I moved most of my things from the house yesterday to mum's place, then picked up the rest of it today with dad.
It's all unpacked now, I guess this is 'home' again for now. It still doesn't feel right though.
Now I just have to get out of bed tomorrow and try and get back into work and uni.
I just want to sleep, but all it's all I can think about, I just need a good night's sleep to be able to face the morning, I'll have to find something else to help me face uni, at least I've still got Riff, he can take me for a run I guess, hopefully the running helps..
I feel empty..
It's all unpacked now, I guess this is 'home' again for now. It still doesn't feel right though.
Now I just have to get out of bed tomorrow and try and get back into work and uni.
I just want to sleep, but all it's all I can think about, I just need a good night's sleep to be able to face the morning, I'll have to find something else to help me face uni, at least I've still got Riff, he can take me for a run I guess, hopefully the running helps..
I feel empty..
Thursday, March 17, 2011
so this is the end of the story...
That's it. No more. So many things together, so much time, so much love. All over.
We were at different places, different stages, the love was still there, but not in the same way it used to be.
We kept trying so hard to make each other happy that we were making ourselves miserable in the process.
A house, a home together and now this.
My whole body hurts, my everything aches, the tears come and go, but the simplest things trigger them.
He was just..and now...
Over.
How do you divide up a home? Move my things from the place we made our home? Pack it up and walk away without turning back? How??
It just hurts.
We were at different places, different stages, the love was still there, but not in the same way it used to be.
We kept trying so hard to make each other happy that we were making ourselves miserable in the process.
A house, a home together and now this.
My whole body hurts, my everything aches, the tears come and go, but the simplest things trigger them.
He was just..and now...
Over.
How do you divide up a home? Move my things from the place we made our home? Pack it up and walk away without turning back? How??
It just hurts.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
It's been a while
It's definitely been a while since I've done the old 'blogging' thing. I'm back at uni again, semester is 3 weeks in and definitely well under way. The assessment is already flooding in, but I'm not stressed about it this time, there's actually a few pieces of major assessment that I'm excited about doing. Weird.
So uni is fine, still feeling a little tight financially, but I'll get through it, I do every other time. It's just feeling a little more stressful with chef only being casual, and the restaurant not doing too well. But just gotta keep smiling and powering through when it comes to those sort of things, not much we can do immediately but work through it.
Emotionally? I'm not sure where I stand. I feel fragile on my best days, feel close to tears a lot more often then the average person would. Things are just...well things seem fine, but my head's all over the place. Mum's still having trouble selling the house, and she seems to have a breakdown once a week at the moment, and her bloody doctor!! It's just so frustrating because I can't help, I can't do anything to help. Nothing. And every second day I'm in a confused state of mind about where my relationship is, and something that dad said to me the other day just makes me more confused. I didn't fully understand what he meant but my interpretation of it worries me. I don't know where my heart's at....
So uni is fine, still feeling a little tight financially, but I'll get through it, I do every other time. It's just feeling a little more stressful with chef only being casual, and the restaurant not doing too well. But just gotta keep smiling and powering through when it comes to those sort of things, not much we can do immediately but work through it.
Emotionally? I'm not sure where I stand. I feel fragile on my best days, feel close to tears a lot more often then the average person would. Things are just...well things seem fine, but my head's all over the place. Mum's still having trouble selling the house, and she seems to have a breakdown once a week at the moment, and her bloody doctor!! It's just so frustrating because I can't help, I can't do anything to help. Nothing. And every second day I'm in a confused state of mind about where my relationship is, and something that dad said to me the other day just makes me more confused. I didn't fully understand what he meant but my interpretation of it worries me. I don't know where my heart's at....
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