Some days the light seems brighter, some days I can see the sunshine, but not only see it some days I feel it. I feel it into my soul. Feel it warming me to my core.
Those are the days when my heart is light, when I see the good in everyone and in everything.
These days come more often.
I am good. I am calm.
But I am not yet whole.
And that's ok. What I've been learning recently is that it's ok to be a little unsure, to be a bit scared, to be a little broken. Sometimes there are people that want you no matter what your flaws are, and even when you lay yours scars bare, whether real or metaphorical, they don't run away and they stand strong beside you. And that's pretty fucking cool.
What I want is to not be afraid and to not be scared of diving in. I'm so used to throwing myself in head first but given what happened last time it makes me nervous on a level I hadn't been able to comprehend until the situation was presented to me.
But you know what? I'm ready, I'm ready to feel that again, to say those words, to feel those things. I'm not quite ready to break down all my walls, that's going to take so much time, but I am ready to shake the foundations and to weaken their hold. I am ready to let someone's light in, and feel their warmth just as much as I can feel the sun's.
I have been hurt, I have scars, but I am not defeated, I'm piecing myself back together and while it's terrifying to think of showing someone that side of me again, I'm ready to show it to him.
